


If This Be Nothing

by MagicalButts



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: ADHD Character, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Biblical Allusions (Abrahamic Religions), Bisexual Character, Chronically ill character, Drama & Romance, Epilepsy, Eventual Romance, Gen, Horror, Humor, I've done more research for this fan fic than I ever did for my degree, Key of Solomon, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Multi, Non-binary character, Original Character(s), Other, Pagan Gods, Pansexual Character, References to Depression, Social Anxiety, Trans Character, Witchcraft, author has epilepsy character also has epilepsy give me my tle representations I BEGS, mostly I just want to experiment with writing and get feedback, probably romantic subplot or the entire plot I haven't decided yet, watch me work through lockdown with a dating sim and fanfiction like a REAL graduate of literature, what does that say about me as a person..., what. it's demons. what'd you expect?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:54:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24884152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicalButts/pseuds/MagicalButts
Summary: (TLDR; What if pagan gods existed too, though. I'm JUST sayin'. Imagine. THE CHAOS. Well, now you don't have to! Your friendly neighborhood pagan is on the job! Please note that I am not Neil Gaiman and you should go read his books if you're into the whole "but what if all gods existed" thing)Sakiha Morigawa believed that when they died, they would pass on to some dream-scape woodland and walk with their gods, looking over their life before they were recycled back into the universe. Imagine their shock to find out that they've been damned  to an eternity of institutionalized education - or so they believe.Lucifer is all too aware that their gods are not too pleased about having one of their patrons taken from them. Of all the gods he had to go and piss off, it had to be THAT one...
Relationships: Asmodeus (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Character(s), Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Character(s), Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Character(s), Satan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Character(s), Solomon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Character(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	1. A Series of Misunderstandings

**Author's Note:**

> I've been using FanFiction dot net up until now (because I am THAT old) so let me know if I've left a tag out?  
> Hello, this is a vanity project in which I, the author, take a dating sim, the loose plot therein and the blank slate of an MC and make a thing.  
> I wondered what would happen if pagan gods got involved in the plot. I know it's got the potential to be very, very messy but hey, that's what fan fiction is for! It's a dating sim so romance is likely but my hopeless romantic ass will try to keep it as a subplot. Pfft, nah, I can't even pretend my beloved flamingos. Expect a lot of P&P levels of the demon bros misunderstanding MC and MC misunderstanding them right back. :D

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakiha - a perfectly ordinary human - is dragged to hell. Mammon is nosy, and does NOT have a THING for this boring human, thank you very much!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who did a big anxiety and re-wrote the first chapter to include the prologue I wrote but thought was too waffle-y? :D

**Prologue - Lost in Translation**

The forest. Bright, beautiful, green. It was brimming with life and song; from the birds in the branches, to the river rushing by, and the trees themselves whispering at the slightest breeze. The air was crisp and fresh, the sun warming the earth below and a young person venturing through it in the early morning. Sakiha had come a long way - two buses at 6am but it was always worth it. The nature reserve was practically deserted.

It was a beautiful day to be outside and they were blessedly alone and free to do whatever rituals they felt like doing without being disturbed.

The area they always walked to was a little harder to get to. They had to venture through nettles and brambles, uphill and then down hill. They went past a ruined old cottage long overgrown with ivy and other climbing plants. Down about thirty meters from the river, a safe distance away but close enough to hear clearly the water streaming past.

It was a triangle formation of hazel trees with flat rocks conveniently placed between them long ago to sit. 

Sakiha turned off their phone, set their bag down beside them, sat down and took a deep breath. They closed their eyes and slowly focused on their breathing. They let thoughts pass like water. Ridiculous thoughts, scary thoughts, stupid thoughts. They let them pass one by one until they had few thoughts at all in their head.

They listened to the river, and the whispering of the trees, and the birds singing not far off. They sat in that moment, in the grove and let themselves be vulnerable there. They felt a sense of peace and sanctuary in this place.

“Something’s been bothering me…” They said quietly. “I have this...this awful feeling, and I can’t shake it no matter how hard I try. I know I’ve anxiety, and maybe it’s because I’ve finished my degree and I have to think about my future… But that’s not it. It’s not, is it?”

It had been two weeks of looking over their shoulder, jumping at every touch or unnoticed approach. “Paranoia’s nothing new to me either, is it? But this...this is…” 

Even now, it sat in their stomach like a swarm of angry locusts. Taking another deep breath, they let the feeling rise slowly to their chest. That was when the shadows started to move. The sounds of the woodland became utterly silent and Sakiha was too deep in meditation to notice. The feeling crawled up their throat. A sickly, cold feeling rose up the back of their neck and across their skull. Was it a panic attack? A seizure? Their eyes stayed shut and they could see light purple shapes flicker across their eyelids - runes, they knew them.

_ Thurisaz: Brute force. Raido: Journey. Hagalaz: Chaotic change.  _

The feeling had taken over their entire body and the only sound in that part of the woods was Sakiha crying.

“Please, I’m so frightened. What’s happening? Someone, please…” They murmured softly and tried to let a voice of reason come… But it didn’t. It was silent and cold. The shadows crept closer towards them. There was the lightest smell of...something. Something unpleasant they knew the name of but couldn’t remember.

They were shaking, it was cold and far too warm at the same time. A panic attack, they decided. They were having a panic attack. 

_...ave me… _

“Wh...what?”

_ Save me…. _

“What the fuck…?”

_ I’m trapped by scary demons. You’re the only one who can help me. Please, help me! _

A strong wind whipped through the trees and chased both the shadows and the smell away. Sakiha’s eyes snapped open. They were sweating, and cold, and within a matter of seconds they had to dart to the river to puke up the contents of their pitiful breakfast. They were exhausted. A breeze caressed their face for a moment, and they felt a little less shaken. Such was nature’s way.

“The...fuck was that…?” They shook violently, terrified of what they had just heard. “A seizure…” They reasoned - they had epilepsy after all, “It was just...a weird…”

But they knew in their gut it was something else. Those runes didn’t bode well. Sakiha looked around, and found the woods to be still welcoming. All except for the place they sat. For some reason, that area looked...cold.

They grabbed their bag and walked a different path. The shadows moved with them, and while their gods could keep them away...for now. Nine hells against mostly forgotten gods was an unfair match. But those gods were nothing if not stubborn.

* * *

“Morning!” 

“Morn…” Sakiha’s breath left them as their eyes fell on Nobuko. She looked the same as always; stylish in her sports bra and tracksuit bottoms, smiling warmly at them as they tied their hair back in a ponytail. But Sakiha felt overwhelmed by a sense of anguish. “Morning…” They busied themselves with getting their second breakfast out of their bag.

Nobuko, astute as ever, spoke up about their odd behavior. “You’re quiet today. Is there anything I can do to help?” She offered.

“Get the music going, please. The sooner I can dance this off, the better.”

Nobuko nodded and headed across the studio to get her phone. They had rented it to use for practising dance routines together.  _ They  _ was a bit of an overstatement. Nobuko footed most of the bill and Sakiha gave what they could, when they could. Nobuko was the professional dancer, Sakiha just joined in for the fun of it. Bojutsu was where Nobuko’s talents lay.

“I feel weird,” They said, “Like something bad will happen.”   
“Is it your college results?”

Sakiha shook their head, “No, no I got those. I passed.”

“You passed?! Really?!”

“I-I, well there was no doubt, was there? The university has an aversion to failing people.”

“I’m so proud of you!” She beamed from across the room, her body radiating excitement. “It’s been such a long and difficult journey, for you especially. Oh, your mama must be delighted!”

“In her own little way, I guess.” 

Nobuko scowled, “She at least commented, right? High praise from her majesty.”

“Remind me again why you signed us up to be back-up dancers for your local musical theatre group?” Sakiha changed the subject.

“Like you’d turn down a chance to dress up like some glamorous bimbo from the 1920’s, it’s entirely your aesthetic.”

“What can I say? I’m an old soul, a classic kind of beauty- Don’t start the music yet!!!”

Sakiha scrambled to get their runners on and rushed over to their position at Nobuko’s side. Nobuko stood there giggling like a maniac. 

“We’ve not even warmed up, you cunt!”

“Language!” Nobuko gasped dramatically as she twirled elegantly and transitioned flawlessly to do a kick-ball-change move. 

“So how’s Toshio?”

“Don’t start.”

“What? If you’re done with him, why can’t I have a turn?” They winked. Nobuko bumped them with her hip. 

“ _ And all that jazz. _ ”

“Precisely, babe.”

Sakiha grinned. But their heart wasn’t in it. Not today. They might just seduce Toshio for the fun of it, or to try and get rid of these bloody nerves. Then again, maybe it would add to their nerves. Nobuko had said time and again that she and Toshio were polyamorous, and she didn’t mind if Sakiha and Toshio tumbled around in the sheets from time to time. This was a new development, however, and Sakiha was still cautious about it. Nobuko was their childhood friend, someone they’d never dream of sleeping with. Toshio was her partner, who expressed interest in Sakiha minutes after they had the polyamory conversation. It was all new, and scary, but one thing Sakiha was confident about, was that their relationship with Nobuko would remain intact. Toshio on the other hand… That remained to be seen.

* * *

Toshio joined Nobuko and Sakiha for lunch that day.

“I know your only exposure to polyamory has been negative…” Nobuko began, once everyone had finished eating, “It’s okay if you don’t want to.”   
“Absolutely!” Toshio nodded eagerly - he didn’t know what Nobuko meant, but he was also aware that Sakiha didn’t give up that story quite as easily as their other tragic story tidbits. The epilepsy and anxiety, the depression, vague allusions to childhood trauma. That was all he knew, for now.

“Nah, I’m willing to give it a go.” Sakiha shook their head. They felt cold. They still heard that voice ringing inside their head.  _ Save me.  _ “Sorry, I’m a bit off today… It’s nothing to do with this, I promise.”

“Restless night?” Toshio’s kind brown eyes did Sakiha in every time.

Now that he mentioned it… “Actually… Maybe that’s it.”

“Don’t you take meds to sleep?” Nobuko frowned, not satisfied with this solution or with the fact that the waitress had decided to leave a mop and bucket by their table.

“Well, yeah. Doesn’t mean I don’t dream though.” Admittedly, it had been years since Sakiha had had what constituted as a bad dream, let alone a nightmare. Therapy did wonders. “Strange, I can only remember...just bits. Not even entire scenes, just like... _ bits _ .” They tapped their index finger and thumb together, as though they could pull these bits from the air.

Nobuko and Toshio both looked baffled. “Describe them, maybe I can draw something?” Toshio offered.

“No, no, they’re literally  _ bits,  _ dude.” Sakiha tried explaining again. “They’ll all sound fine in isolation. But it felt...I felt… I’ve been feeling…” They stared down at the table, quickly losing focus. They’d been having these dreams for weeks, they realised. 

_ Falling. The dream always began with them falling in utter darkness. Then came wings as they began to be guided onto their feet and solid ground. The wings did not belong to them. There was a bat-like pair, at first. Then, black feathered ones.   
_ _ They were standing in an impossibly large room with a domed ceiling - the likes of which they had never seen before. Shadowy figures stood in front of them. Seven plus one. Two bright figures stood behind them. A person they couldn’t quite look at stood by their side.  
_ _ A large, three headed dog that breathed fire bore down upon them. A tomb, a set of stairs leading up, an ancient ruin of a room with thousands of doors. Then there was a huge serpent in a striking position. The dream seemed to speed up: the wings of an insect and a roar of anger, a scaly iridescent tail whipped past, someone was bandaging their wrist, now they were standing in front of them - protecting them from something, they were being held too tightly now, they couldn’t breathe, their ribs hurt and at this rate he’s going to kill- _

“Sakiha…”

Quick as lightning Sakiha grabbed the mop next to them, wielded it like a bo staff and held it at Nobuko’s throat. A man screamed nearby, a young boy dropped a spoon and stared and a group of teenagers started cheering.

“What the hell, Saki!” Toshio pulled Nobuko away.

Both of their friends were staring at them, wide-eyed and desperately confused.

Sakiha was breathing hard. They dropped the mop. Their hands were shaking, “I-I need to go h-home.”

“Saki, hey, calm down it’s-”   


“I need to go home, okay. I just…” They rummaged through their bag and left a random amount of money on the table. “I need to be alone.”

They stopped before leaving. Something in their gut told them to stay.

“I’ll be okay, I just need to think on my own for a bit.”

Neither of them believed Sakiha. After they had left they discussed their rising anxiety. It wasn’t the first time they had taken a defensive position with the nearest stick in the past three months. Sakiha’s anxiety had manifested in many, many ways. But aggression was never one of them until recently.

“It’s getting worse, whatever’s wrong with them.” Toshio said, “They barely slept at all last time they stayed over with me. Maybe an hour or two, here and there.”

“Did they say why?”   


“No… But they said names in their sleep, like they were summoning demons or something.”   


Nobuko rolled her eyes, “Sakiha’s pagan, they were probably names of gods.”

“No, nonono, they definitely said Satan, I’m certain of it.”

Nobuko tried to reason that they were likely Sakiha’s gods, and Toshio insisted they were demons. Both parties ended up going way off topic. Only the young boy with his father seemed to notice the way the shadows followed the strange person called ‘Saki’.

* * *

Sakiha arrived home to a letter.

“Odd, you getting post.” Their mum commented, not unkindly. “You should open it.”

Sakiha felt that foreboding got stronger as they opened it.  _ Diavolo college.  _ There was no crest, no website, no number, it looked nothing like any kind of official college letter they had ever received.   


“What is it?”   


“A joke, I think.” Sakiha shrugged, and knowing it was nothing personal, handed it to their mother.

Something grabbed their entire body, tightly. They felt sick, and something freezing ran up their spine and at the back of their skull. The voice rang in their head. “ _ Save me… _ ” Their ribs hurt, it was becoming very difficult to breathe and that voice was rumbling in their head - it was laughing.

What Sakiha experienced, they decided, was a freaky seizure. They’d had plenty of them before. It was a seizure and a panic attack. They felt their lunch returning up their throat and ran to the bathroom. 

“What’s wrong?!” Their mum cried.

“S-sorry, uh...lunch, went down wrong,” They lied. They were getting awfully dizzy. “I think I’m having an off day…”   


“Stay in bed for the rest of the day, love,”   


“That was the plan, ugh,” Sakiha grimaced, the taste of bile still fresh on their tongue. Their mother offered to help them back to their room, but they declined. Stubborn as always to show no vulnerability to anyone. 

They slept, mostly, but it was a lot of waking and sleeping and waking again. Every time they looked around their room, they swore the shadows moved. It continued like that all day. From their bedroom, to the bathroom and kitchen. Shadows seemed to twitch and slink in the corner of their eye. One almost seemed to touch their mum - that was when they spun around and cried out, “Mama!”

“What?! What?!” She jumped.

Sakiha  _ swore  _ the shadow slunk back, they  _ swore  _ there was a little hiss. 

“N-nothing...sorry, I need to sleep…” They mumbled, shuffling back to their room. They paused, “I love you, mama,” They said.

“Love you too, God bless,” She said, sitting outside to have a cigarette.

They left their night light on but it ran out of battery as they slept. They woke to total darkness on a night with a new moon. Anxiety was still holding them by the throat. It hadn’t been this bad in years. What was this? They checked their phone; 2.58am. Great. A day lost to anxiety. 

They rolled over and noticed that two of their tarot cards had fallen to the floor. The windows were shut, so it couldn’t have been a breeze. They looked.  _ The Fool  _ and _ The Devil. _ The fool usually represented them, and the devil was… 

A shadow moved. Sakiha swore it had. In fact, it seemed like all the shadows in their room were moving. They quickly rolled over and told themselves that it was silly, and they shouldn’t have played Call of Cthulu last week.  _ Tomorrow will be better, tomorrow I’ll be better. _ Sakiha squeezed their eyes shut and ignored the sickly cold that seemed to be creeping up on them.

In their dream, their eyes were closed and they were being held very tightly by someone they knew very well. Several someones, in fact. Behind them was a precipice so cold they could feel the chill running up their back. The ones holding onto them spoke in languages Sakiha did not understand, but their tone was vicious, threatening and they held Sakiha closer. Sakiha held onto them for dear life. Unfamiliar voices spoke back to them, calm, even and measured. 

One voice eventually spoke in a language Sakiha understood, “Not my kin!”

Sakiha felt a pull. They cried out, “No!” They said the name of one of their gods. She held on tighter. She was of love and beauty, but she could as easily turn to warfare as she did to motherhood or seduction.

The voices became frantic, panicked as Sakiha began to slip from their grasp. Nails dug into Sakiha’s bare flesh and they were crying out in panic. 

“How dare you! You’ll regret this if you take them, I swear it!” That was her son. Sexuality, lust, passion, and beauty.

Something slid along Sakiha’s ankles and tugged, hard. They slipped, but three held on tightly to their wrist as they hung over the freezing cold pit. It stank of sulphur. 

“I have you! Don’t fret, we all have you!” But the wife to the son did not sound so certain. She was both the least and most familiar of them all. She was once human, but had been made divine. “It wasn’t meant to be this way, I’m sorry,”

There was one more with them. She was the return of spring and the death of it. The colourful wildflowers in her hair were replaced with asphodel lilies months ago. Surely a chthonic queen had power enough to help. But she struggled even with the assistance of the others. Where Sakiha was going, she could not follow. None of them could. “It wasn’t supposed to be there, I swear it!” She spoke to the first goddess, who was glaring at her.

“P-please-!” Sakiha started crying and trying to help. But they were being tugged, and pulled and these gods could not pull them back. 

The tugging abated for a moment, they managed to pull Sakiha back. One held on tight to them and pulled back to stroke their face. She was beyond exquisite, and far paler than Sakiha was. Her hair was beautiful and red and her eyes were the same colour as hers were. Sweet and warm, like honey. “There now, we have-”   


Too soon. All of them shrieked in rage as Sakiha was tugged backwards and sent hurtling towards the depths of a place none of them could reach. At least...not yet.

Sakiha felt that fall in reality because they were, indeed, falling. There were scratches left on their body where their gods had tried to pull them back. 

But to an onlooker in Sakiha’s bed room, it simply looked like a poorly edited film. One moment Sakiha was curled up in bed, and the next, they were gone. Vanished into thin air.

On their bedside table, their phone buzzed.

**(One new voice message: Salty bit on the Side (Toshio)** **  
** **Left today at 03.01am)**

“Oh...shit, you’re sleeping aren’t you? Well, Nobuko said you… This is still weird, isn’t it? If you don’t want to do this, then that’s fine with me. But I really like you. A-as a friend, with benefits, I mean. I want us to be friends. All three of us. Nobuko said you wanted that too, but obviously I have to ask you. I know she can read you pretty well, but she’s no mind reader. She just asks the right questions. Um. Anyway, we still on for Call of Cthulu part two tomorrow? Everyone’s dying to see what you’ll do next, oh wizened Keeper!”

* * *

**Chapter one - A Misunderstanding**

**Text to: Main Hoe (Nobuko)**

**Sent: today 04.01**

You’re not getting these. I know you’re not. D.D.D’s don’t send texts to human numbers. Or that’s what they’re telling me.   
Whatever.

I feel better even trying.

I still can’t believe the universe would drag me to hell and damn me to an eternity in institutionalised education. 

Exchange programme? That I didn’t sign up to? And can’t sign out of? Nope. 

I’m probably dead. Maybe. Actually, I don’t know. The sort-of-King’s word is law and he says I can’t go home.

Fucker. 

No. This warrants a triple motherfucker, son of a bitch, I hope you drown in holy water and get shit on by angels - if they deem you worthy of their celestial brown jewels.

I want to go home. 

Let me go home. 

Please, I want to go home.

I miss you.

I miss Shio.

I miss my mama.

**Text to: Salty bit on the Side (Toshio)**

**Sent: today 06.29**

You’re not getting these. I know that. But I need to talk at someone. Nobuko can’t take the brunt of this, not even in my imagination.

Congrats. 

Maybe I really did die though.

Maybe I had one of those one in a million seizures and died. I have epilepsy. It seems plausible enough. 

Would demons have the decency to tell me? Or continue a charade for fun?

**Sent: today 07.48**

And, oh dude, I made a holy show of myself. One of them got in my face and screamed at me, and I broke down crying. 

I could have held back. 

But I had run through every other idea. 

I was scared, confused and way out of my depth. He was in my face, and no one did anything. So what was I supposed to do? Scream back? Hell no. He might be able to tear my mind to shreds Lovecraftian style for all I know. 

They’re not even sure I’ll fucking survive here in the first place! What kind of hunger games bullshit is this?!

**Text to: Main Hoe (Nobuko)**

**Sent: today 09.01**

It doesn’t help that I’m in a house full of strangers. 

They’re demons, okay fine, maybe they’re nothing like humans and have completely different behaviors. But can my traumatised mind tell the difference? 

Nah. 

If anything, maybe they’re worse. Maybe they can’t actually control their carnal desires at all and will jump me with no warning, any time, any place and no one will care.

Oh wait. No. That’s the human world too. 

Are demons worse? Better?

Oh gods, will I have to sleep with a knife under my pillow? Should I douse myself in holy water? 

Does water consecrated by pagan gods even work, or does it have to be the Christian god? Who, by the way, probably exists if all this hell business is real. 

This could be a dream, I may have gone mad. But I have to act like it isn’t. If it is, and I get eaten by Beelzebub because I do something stupid because ‘this is a dream’...

**Text to: Salty bit on the Side (Toshio)**

**Sent: today 14.56**

So, what do I do? I’m on an exchange. The point of an exchange is to experience other cultures. So...I suppose that’s what I’ll do.

But first. I need to ask about my family, and you guys. I’ve disappeared for a year and it will not go unnoticed. There will be a huge fuss if nothing is done. 

Surely they know that? Do they know human law? Do they care?

They must do. Lucifer wouldn’t have his brother babysit me for no reason. 

On that subject… 

Mammon is nothing short of insolent. I didn’t ask for him to mind me. I’d rather take my chances alone, thank you very much. There is no need for him to be such a contemptuous little cunt about it.

* * *

Mammon lowered the D.D.D for a moment. He wasn’t sure exactly what ‘contemptuous’ meant, but he could probably guess based on the context it had been used in. He didn’t want to hear about how much this human hated him, or feared him, or both. But he kept scrolling through these mysterious texts to Nobuko and Toshio.

With Nobuko, they went into a long analysis of some book on hell - trying to figure out if they could get out on their own. To the author’s credit, that Dante guy got the nine circles right. Only, they were far more horrific than any human could possibly imagine. The only one that was habitable was the central one - Devildom. 

“Pfft, stupid human,” He said aloud, dropping the D.D.D. There was nothing worth reading in it...for the moment. 

He rifled through their lack of personal things a second time. Surely they had  _ something _ of monetary value! It had been a week already! 

“What...are you doing?” The human flicked the light switch on. They entered with a few shopping bags - so they  _ did  _ have money after all!   
“Went shoppin’? Who with?”

“Get out.” 

Mammon rolled his eyes and sat on their bed, “Yeah, yeah,”   


“You’re in my room,” They were trying to be calm, but Mammon could hear their voice tremble as they entered the room and dumped the bags on the floor, “Going through  _ my _ , uh, lack of personal belongings…” They were struggling to speak, “You didn’t even ask!” 

“What’er ya gonna do? Tell Lucifer?”   


“Don’t be ridiculous,” They snapped immediately, shutting down Mammon’s initial fear that they  _ might  _ just do that. “Why would he care? You certainly don’t.”   


“It’s my job to take care of ya. I’m just makin’ sure ya ain’t got anythin’ that could get ya in trouble.”   


“I’m human,” They said, punctuating it by ripping their tie off, “Not an idiot. You’re the avatar of greed. Everyone else said you’d pull something like this,” They were taking off their jacket, “But I didn’t listen…”

Mammon blinked, taking their eyes off of their hands as they untucked their shirt. “You...what?”   


“You seemed…! I mean sure you scared the living shit out’ve me when we first met but...like…” They struggled to find words again, “I don’t know! Did you take anything?”

“No!” 

“Wouldn’t tell me if you did though, would you?”

There was something confusing and just a little bit attractive about how this human was nonchalantly stripping in front of him. It was also deeply unsettling and setting all kinds of alarm bells off in his head. They worked through the buttons one at a time, and they wore a tee-shirt underneath their shirt. He let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.

“What?” They looked genuinely bewildered as they slipped the shirt off.

Mammon, not wanting to seem scared of a tiny little human, leaned back and smirked, “Givin’ me a striptease? It’s only been a week.”

“Get the fuck out of my room!” They threw the shirt at him, “I swear by the gods I’ll consecrate some water and shove it down your eye sockets to burn the retinas out’ve your fuckin’ skull!” 

Mammon let out a low growl, baring his teeth a little as he jumped to his feet and stepped toward the human. It was enough to have them scrambling backwards until their back hit the wall. He threw their shirt at them, “Don’t do that again, human.”

“Sakiha!” They threw the shirt to the floor, “My name is Sakiha! My name is used to identify me, that’s what it’s fucking for!”

He was a little stunned. They had the audacity to talk back to him when they were 1) crying and 2) very obviously in the weaker position here. He wasn’t going to do anything to hurt them. He’d hiss and growl and threaten, sure. But a demon as powerful as him  _ actually  _ hurting a measly human was just plain low.

“Whatever,  _ human _ .”

“Get out...just…” They covered their face with both hands and descended into quiet sobbing.

“St-stop crying! I was kiddin’! Ah...shit, c’mon, don’t cry.”

“Don’t cry? Are you havin’ a fuckin’ laugh?!” They shouted, Mammon shrugged helplessly in response, “ I-I was kidnapped by  _ demons _ ! I’m being forced through my own personal hell - going through institutionalised education  _ again,  _ having  _ just  _ finished with that bollox! I don’t have my medication, or any real friends, everyone wants to fuckin’  _ eat  _ me, I have nothing and no one! Am I not allowed to cry either?!”

“I...uh...I didn’t mean…” Humans really were delicate creatures. Mammon wasn’t sure what to do as the human stood in front of them, tiny hands balled into fists, with tears streaming down their face. “I, um, agree. I guess. That institutionalised education sucks.”

They stood there and stared at him, dumbfounded. “That’s what you got out’ve that?”

“Well what do ya want me to say?! Don’t worry I can get ya home? ‘Cause I dunno how to do that. I can’t make friends appear, hell, I ain’t even got any! An’ I’m doin’ my best to keep the demons from eatin’ ya, too! You’d be dead by now if not for me! Ya ain’t got no one, huh? What about me? What am I?”

“You...what do you mean you don’t have friends?”

Mammon was expecting them to say something along the lines of ‘a demon’, or ‘a scumbag’, or ‘a good for nothing asshole’.

“I’m sorry,” They said, “I’m upset, I took it out on you and I shouldn’t have. You’re right, you have been helping me. You’re...a bit rude about it, but you haven’t hurt me.”

Mammon was confused. Were they...apologising to him? “Y-yeah, exactly!” He said, half-hearted. “I don’t just go around helpin’ anyone.”

“Right…” 

Mammon didn’t like the way their overly sweet, honey brown eyes were fixed on the floor. They were thinking, connecting the dots in their head. Whatever those dots were, Mammon could feel it in his gut that he didn’t want them connected.

“Who did ya go shoppin’ with?” He asked again.

“O-oh, with some girls from my class. Asmodeus came as well.”

“What’d’ya get?”   
Clothes and books. Just clothes and books. No jewelry (that they were telling him about), no fancy gaming devices or anything worth selling. 

“Tsk, you’re the boring type, then.”   


They wanted to say something. He could see it written in the way they narrowed their eyes and scrunched up their nose. They continued hanging up their new clothes (all boring, monochromatic with only a splash of colour occasionally).

“Go on, say it.”   


“No, no, nothing.”   


“Say it.”

“Say what?”   


“What you were gonna say! I don’t care, it’s not good to keep it in. You’re allowed to say whatever, freedom and rebellion’s kind of our thing down here in Devildom.”

They sighed heavily, “I’ve already forgotten.”

“Liar! Come on, now I gotta know!” 

He could see the ghost of a smile cross their lips, “Seriously, I don’t know!”

“I said ‘ahh, you’re the boring type,’ and then you wanted to say…?”

They shrugged helplessly and without looking at him said; “I didn’t know ‘boring’ was your type.”   
Mammon spluttered half syllables and stumbled backwards, “O-oh! Oh you wish, human! You  _ wish  _ THE Mammon was...uh, into you. Well he ain’t! Not an arrogant, pathetic little human like you, not in a  _ million  _ years!” 

The human just blinked, closed their mouth and continued putting their clothes away. The silence hung there, heavy and uncomfortable. He opened and closed his mouth, almost saying something, only to swallow it and start taking steps away from the human. There was something...off about them. 

“You can go now, Mammon.”   


“Gladly!” He stormed out of the room - he did not scurry. His acute hearing picked up on the human’s barely suppressed sobs. He only felt marginally guilty when the sobbing truly began. But he couldn’t go back in! What was he supposed to do? Apologise? He hadn’t done anything wrong! It wasn’t his fault the human was so fragile and emotional like that! He obviously didn’t mean it, not really. It wasn’t as if they could turn on him anyway. They were a normal, weak, non-magical human. They were no witch and Mammon didn’t have a pact with them. They had no power over him at all. He was safe.

It was the quiet little whimpers that broke him. He took a deep breath, ran his hands through his hair and marched out of his room to explain his reaction. They were human, after all. Maybe they’d...

Lucifer was at the human’s door. Even if it wasn’t technically his fault the human was crying, Lucifer would definitely punish him for it anyway. So he did the only sensible thing, and immediately bolted.


	2. One Less Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakiha's got several hundred different problems. They decide to take them on one at a time. Starting with Mammon...oh, and maybe Lucifer's attitude. The mysterious being they accidentally contacted the other night can wait though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was definitely not going to put smut here. I am a good Catholic enby. I would NEVER (I saved it for later).

“Let’s get this over with…” Mammon mumbled, once they were alone in his room. He grabbed Sakiha’s forearm and closed his eyes. 

“H-hang on, what exactly does making a pact entail again? Are there any side effects or-?”

“Do you wanna make this pact or not?” 

Not particularly, they thought. Mammon looked beyond livid. But what could Sakiha do? If they didn’t make the pact, Levi would be furious. At least this way, one demon would be placated, and the other wouldn’t be able to hurt them at all. 

Sakiha nodded. Not knowing what they were supposed to do, they also closed their eyes. A few seconds passed. 

“Huh?”

“S-something wrong-?”

“Shut up.” He hissed, then grabbed their arm even tighter.

Sakiha shut up. Did he really have to speak to them like that? He’d made it abundantly clear by now that he didn’t want to babysit them. As far as they knew, they hadn’t done anything to warrant further anger from Mammon and yet he persisted. It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair. Sakiha didn’t even want to be here, but they’d bitten their tongue and been nothing short of polite and civil (most of the time). 

His nails started digging into their forearm, and he made what Sakiha could only describe as a soft rumbling sound.

“M-Mammon, is- are you supposed to-?”

He growled louder as a response. Sakiha had never heard anyone growl before. Fear coiled in their gut. What if it was a trick? What if he was going to tear them apart? His nails seemed to grow and they felt blood running down their arm. Was this part of it? Or was he about to tear their arm off?

Sakiha felt dizzy and warm. They felt as though they had dozed off. In the distance, they could hear Mammon arguing with someone. Of all the times to have a seizure… No, hang on, this wasn’t a seizure. What was it?

White hot pain slammed against Sakiha’s lower back and they grit their teeth, eyes opening as they hissed.

“Ah, shit…” Mammon was flicking blood off of his hand.

“Is...is that supposed to…?”

For the first time, Mammon looked at Sakiha with an expression other than contempt. He looked confused. No, he looked more than just confused, but Sakiha couldn’t figure it out.

“I had to focus…” He mumbled, avoiding their eyes. “Plus, I’m such a powerful demon, I had to draw blood, y’know.”

Sakiha didn’t believe him. There was something he wasn’t telling them. “Why does my back hurt?”

“My seal,” He grinned proudly, “Must’ve taken root on your back.”

“ _Your_ seal?”

“Uh huh, every demon has a unique one. When you make a pact, it appears on your body, kinda like a tattoo.”

“Well, what’s one more tattoo, I guess…”

Mammon didn’t seem to hear them. “Let’s get back to Levi, quickly! Goldie’s been too long without me. I’m comin’ baby!”

* * *

The house was horrendously oversized, a mansion of a place with too many rooms for too few people. It only took them a day to have the whole layout of the place in their head, but navigation was one of their many talents. 

Something bothered them about the house, and it wasn’t the decor or the layout. No, they _felt_ something was off. They lay awake at night thinking about it. After a week, Sakiha couldn’t take it. They had no tools of their craft with them, but all they needed was themselves, right? There was only one way to find out.

They knelt on the floor with their back to their bed. They took a very deep breath, and focused on their breathing. They let thoughts come and go, scary thoughts, strange ones, _actually they’re_ **_all_ ** _pretty hot,_ “Oh shut up…” They hissed to themselves. They had to start all over again. They focused on that feeling.

_...help…_

They recognised that voice. It was louder, clearer. “Oh...oh gods…” 

_...please help me…_

“Where are you?” They asked out loud.

_“W-who’s that? Who’s there?!”_

“You called me?”

_“Are you a demon? A witch?”_

“I’m…” Something inside of them told them to answer with the latter, “A witch.”

_“What do you want?”_

“You asked me to help you.”

_“Where are you?”_

“Do you answer every question with a question?”

_“Should I answer in some other way?”_

“Are you capable of such a thing?”

A laugh, soft and amused. _“If I ever meet you, I’ll give you my answer to that.”_

“Are you...flirting with me?”

_“I’ve been locked up here for weeks, I’m bored.”_

“Locked up _where?”_

 _“The att-_ ”

There was a sharp knock at their door and it broke whatever trance Sakiha was in. They felt fear rising in their throat. _What the fuck was that._

They rose to their feet unsteadily and answered the door to find Lucifer standing right there.

“Uh, hi.”  
“What were you doing?”

“Honestly, I don’t know.”

Lucifer raised an eyebrow. He did that when he didn’t believe them, or was otherwise suspicious of whatever Sakiha was doing. “Perhaps it would be best if you didn’t dabble in things you don’t understand.”

“Why? What _was_ I doing?”

“Sakiha,” He leered in at them, dark brown eyes boring into their amber ones, “Go to bed. Forget this happened.”

“Or what?”

Lucifer scowled, and Sakiha was regretting their choice of words very quickly, but they were getting sick of Lucifer’s ‘unholier than thou’ attitude.

“I dislike being tested so late at night. Do as you’re told.”

“Don’t talk to me like that.”

“I will speak to you however I please,” He hissed, and Sakiha watched the plain brown eyes become a deep red, the irises shrinking to slits. “Human.”

“I don’t respond well to threats.” The words fell out of Sakiha’s mouth, as though someone else had put them there and had been eagerly waiting to use them.

“Who said I was threatening you?”

“Then what do you call this?” 

Lucifer moved ever so slightly closer to their face. Sakiha watched his eerie red eyes flick to their mouth. “What _are_ you doing? You know who I am. You know the power I have. Why are you bothering?” He asked them quietly.

“Because if you were going to kill me, you would have done it by now.” Sakiha tried not to look at his mouth, they really did try. _Gods, they hadn’t noticed how aesthetically pretty it was…_

“You’re not wrong,” He seemed more amused than pissed off now, but Sakiha didn’t trust it, not for a second, “But perhaps I want to draw this out. I am a sadist, after all.”

They were utterly bewildered as both fear and inexplicable desire rushed through them. He was either going to gut them, or fuck them into a wall, and it was impossible to tell which.

“Speechless?” 

“You wish.”

Lucifer laughed - genuinely laughed - and backed away. “You shouldn’t be up so late, there’s class tomorrow.”

Sakiha felt whiplash from the sudden change in temperament. But realised what had happened as Beelzebub wandered sleepily past their room, mumbling about being hungry. They swore Lucifer gave him a scathing look, but it was dark, and difficult for them to see. Without another word, Sakiha shut the door and wandered over to their bed. They don’t know how or when the spirit of Elizabeth Bennet took over them, but they were glad she did. That could have been much worse.

* * *

People had been praising Sakiha for making a pact with Mammon all day. Mammon had, quite understandably, ditched them the first chance he got. He was more than humiliated at this stage. So now it was up to them to try and soothe this sting. Sure, there was absolutely no way he would try to tear them apart. But it didn’t mean he wouldn’t try.

They had given up on finding him and were heading home when they found him in their room, rifling through their things again.

“Why do I bother…” They sighed, “Mammon,”

“Huh?” 

“I’d like to, um, un-pact.”

“Un-pact? You’re kiddin’. Seriously?!”

“No need to yell…”

“Yell?! You want me to stop yellin’, why don’t you order me to!!”

“I’m not going to do that.”

“Didn’t have a problem this mornin’ did ya?!”

“You threatened me!” 

“And that gives ya the right to order me around?! Don’t ya know what consent is?!”

“Yes! I do!” When dealt a shitty hand in life, you played the cards you had been dealt, “I’ve had plenty of things done to me without my consent, so I understand what it’s like to lose that choice!”

“Oh do ya?! What, your mum make ya clean your room?!”

Sakiha felt the memories tearing at their consciousness, but they refused to let them in. The details were better left forgotten.

“Oh…”

“Oh?”

Mammon’s posture had changed. He was almost shrinking into himself, his eyes darted around the room and he shifted uncomfortably. “Well...no one’s gonna hurt ya here.” He said quietly.

“Really? Because everyone is making it sound like demons are feral creatures out to eat me from the head down. It’s not difficult to imagine they’d do worse things if that’s all the information I get.” They sighed, “Now if you don’t mind, undo the pact.”

“Why’d you do it?” 

Sakiha stared at him wide eyed. “Leviathan? He _really_ wanted that money, and I’m pretty sure if he was ready to kill his own brother, he’d have no issue tearing through a total stranger.”

“Lucifer’d have his head if he did that!”

“And I’d be long dead. I did it because I felt like I didn’t have a choice. Maybe I did. This feels wrong, and I’m sorry. So undo it, please. I don’t want this.”

Mammon seemed lost for words. He searched the floor for them, then the ceiling and the window. “I can’t. It’s done.”

“I was afraid you’d say that.”

“You gotta learn to tell them to fuck off. I mean it when I say they won’t touch ya, not when Lucifer’s told ‘em not to.”

“Mammon, I overhear our classmates every single day debating how exactly they’re going to…whaaat are you doing?” Sakiha took a step back but was pulled into Mammon’s arms anyway. He was warm, and smelled of expensive cologne - earthy, and summery. Sakiha expected brimstone and fire or something. No demon shenanigans. It just felt like a normal hug, from a normal person.

“No one’s gonna hurt ya here. Not while I’m around.”

“When you’re not?” 

“You can use that pact to summon me...or uh, Solomon can do that with Asmodeus.” He fumbled with his words for a second, “Look, just...trust me, okay?”

“You said you’d eat me this morning, again.”

“Work with me, human.”

“Call me by my name, please, Mammon.”

“You gonna order me if I don’t?”

“Unless you threaten to murder me again, I will not use that pact. I promise.”

“What if my brothers tell you to? ‘Cause they’ll start doin’ that any day now.”

“...if I tell them no, will they really not destroy me?”

“No,” He paused, “Probably not.”

“You’re so reassuring.”

“I’m tryin’, okay! Gimme a break!” He let them go.

“Keep trying. I prefer you trying.”

“I…” Mammon looked confused, “What does that even mean?”

“You trying to be nice to me, I prefer you at least _trying_ as opposed to being a cunt.”

“Don’t push your luck, hum… Sakiha."


	3. Bumblebee

There was something off about the human. Satan had noticed it the second Asmodeus’ seduction spell didn’t work. It was confirmed when Lucifer didn’t say a word and Diavolo powered through his introduction speech. They knew something about this human and they didn’t want the others finding out. So, Satan had decided he was going to do precisely that.

“I heard Lucifer is looking to get to the human world to find you medicine, are you unwell?” He feigned concern for the human. It was too early for this, but it had been three weeks since the human arrived and he had discovered little to nothing. It was strangely difficult to get a hold of them. The walk to and from classes was one of the few times he was able to speak with them. Unfortunately, they were rarely, if ever, alone during this period.

“Huh?! You are sick?! Oh, no wonder your complexion is so awful, darling.” Asmodeus said, not seeming to notice that this was apparently news to Sakiha, who immediately glanced at their reflection in a window looking worried.

“He’s being dramatic.” Satan said through a yawn.

“I am not!”

“Considering all that has happened to them, I think their skincare routine is the last thing on their mind right now.”

Asmodeus gasped, seeming truly scandalised, “I never!” He grabbed the human’s shoulder to turn them to face him, “Sakiha, tell me it’s not true!”

“Huh? What? What’s wrong?”

“Hey, don’t ignore me when I’m talkin’ to ya!” Mammon grabbed their other shoulder and turned them the other way.

“Sorry--”

“Ugh, you’re just talking about stupid things. This is a serious matter, Mammon!” 

Mammon and Asmodeus bickered. Satan watched the human quietly. They closed their eyes and were taking deep breaths. They had their tablet clutched tightly to their chest. Their walk had slowed so as to get away from the bickering brothers. The human had every right to tell Mammon and Asmodeus to stop behaving like children and storm off. Yet they chose instead to quietly remove themselves from their discomfort. 

“You can’t always get away from it, you know.” He said.

They tensed.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to start demanding your attention. That’s your decision to make.”

“That’s not… I’m just…tired.”

“You’ve been tired for weeks. Asmo isn’t wrong, you don’t look very well. We do have doctors here, you know.”

“I want to be left alone...for five minutes, that’s all I ask…” They sounded like an overtired parent in a drama. “Sorry, that came out wrong.”

“There is a reason you’re with at least one of us at any given time, you do know that, right?”

“This is my eternal punishment.”

Satan noted the way they were struggling to keep their eyes open, the way they were dragging their feet just a little bit, and how every thought in their head was clearly making it’s way past their mouth. Humans didn’t need to be drunk to reveal their secrets, they just needed to be overtired. Luck was finally on his side.

He smiled, “You’re not dead. Not yet, at least.”

“I certainly _feel_ like a walking corpse.”

“I’m not a morning person either.”

The human stood there for a few seconds, a blank expression on their face. They seemed to be staring at nothing. Satan stepped in front of them and leaned in. No response.

“Are you okay?” 

No response. 

He knew humans did not sleep with their eyes open, so they hadn’t simply fallen asleep. His fellow students seemed focused on the fight. So he tried a little magic, but like Asmodeus’ charm, it just rolled off of them. 

Satan looked back at Mammon, who was too busy arguing with Asmodeus to answer any of Satan’s questions (though he doubted Mammon of all demons would have the answers he sought). He let himself snarl at his brother to relieve some of the anger and frustration that was never completely gone. _What was happening to this human?_

“Satan?”

He looked back. The human looked dazed and confused, but otherwise alert. “You...well, I’m not really sure what happened.”

“Oh, probably a seizure. Don’t worry about it.” 

Satan blinked, “I...I beg your pardon?”

“Shh...don’t worry about it.”

He raised his eyebrows. This human had the audacity to _shush_ him. He expected to be, at the very least, a little irked by that. But there was something about the nonchalance in which they had said it that made him concerned. Genuinely so, this time. They were too nonchalant about it. There was no reassurance behind that tone whatsoever.

“You’re worried about it, aren’t you?”

“Is it a lack of sleep?”

“Ooooh, buddy, I wish it was just the fuckin’ lack of sleep…” The human trailed off into a yawn. “Lack of sleep, lack of…” They sighed heavily, “Am I really not dead?”

“Is it so terrible here that you think you would be?” 

The human squinted at Satan for a moment. “I was kidnapped by demons and forced to go through institutionalised education. Again. You tell me.”

“You dislike education?” He scowled.

“No, I love learning new things - but only on my own terms. It’s different when I _have_ to learn something in a _very particular way_ . I’m clever, I know I am, it’s one of my many talents. So it sucks when I’m told to do something in a way I don’t understand, and it makes me feel and look stupid. Then that makes me feel like a failure and then…- Oh, you should probably…” 

Asmodeus and Mammon had broken into their demon forms and were causing a scene. Satan just smiled and shrugged. “Not my problem.” He paused, “If you’re as clever as you claim, then why can’t you learn the way you’ve been told to?”

“Because everyone else has a full tool box, and I was left with a trowel, and told to solve a problem that needs a tiny screwdriver.”

“Then get a tiny screwdriver…” Satan trailed off as he watched Lucifer arrive to break up the fight between Asmodeus and Mammon. “We should head to class without them. We might be implicated in their idiocy.”

The human nodded and followed Satan the long way to their classroom. 

“For the sake of this metaphor,” The human continued, “I can’t. I have a trowel, that’s it.”

“Why can’t you get a screwdriver?”

“Why can’t I get a new brain?”

“I thought we were using metaphors.”

“Alright, okay.” The human sighed heavily, “Because life gave me a shitty tool box, that’s why. I work with what I have, and sometimes, it isn’t enough.” They shrugged, “The good news is I am now adept at using a trowel to solve problems trowels wouldn’t usually be used to solve. Some people find...what’s that thing when you’re quick and smart about finding ways to do things...uhh…”

“Resourcefulness?” Satan supplied.

“That, yeah, that’s useful.”

“It explains how you’ve adapted so quickly to living here. You’re used to solving seemingly impossible problems with a trowel.”

“The only benefit, really…”

“One many would envy.”

They entered the classroom together, and the human automatically seemed to take their seat at the front to the left. Satan knew Mammon would have further conniptions if he took his seat. So, naturally, he did so. 

“Well, hello Satan. Mammon is usually assigned to sit with Sakiha.” That smooth, serene and very irritating voice. It could only belong to Solomon.

Satan smiled pleasantly at the other human, “Good morning, Mammon has had that privilege revoked due to his bad behavior.” He lied.

“Oh dear, what a shame.” Solomon sighed, though he did not seem to mean a word he said.

“By the way, Sakiha,” Satan leaned over to whisper to them, and they tensed like a wound up spring, “You remember perfectly well where that honey went, don’t you?” He glanced over at Solomon, who was preoccupied with talking to the angels (which were an eyesore so early in the morning), “Make no mistake, I am impressed rather than upset. But take care. You’re not in your human world any longer-”

“Okay, okay, okay, I’ve had enough speeches on being in big bad Pandemonium to last me a lifetime, thank you. I understand that I don’t understand, but in my defense, I was taken here without my consent, so,” They shrugged.

“Do you make a habit of risking your life for sweet things?” He chuckled.

“Sweet things? No. Sweet things as a metaphor for ‘a little bit of home/comfort’, apparently, yes. I do.” 

Satan considered his response carefully. But realised he did not have one. Luckily, the human seemed to pick up on the fact that he had been quiet for too long quickly enough.

“You won’t tell him, will you?”

“Mmm, that depends.”

“No, no you cannot nibble on my tasty human soul.”

Satan sighed heavily, “Well, I guess Beel will have to, once he finds out.” He smiled, “I need someone to come to town with me next weekend. There must be places you’ve still not been to yet, I can show you around.”

The human seemed genuinely stunned for a moment. Likely they’d come up with some ghastly image of this Avatar of Wrath that was simply untrue. If he didn’t know any better, he may have thought Lucifer was keeping him from the human on purpose.

* * *

“I was.”

“Y-you…” Satan gritted his teeth, “Why in _hells_ would you do a thing like that?” He tried to remain calm but he was livid.

Lucifer explained what happened when the human was met with _Mammon’s_ attitude. “So you see, I needed to be sure you wouldn’t upset them. Or that they wouldn’t upset you.” 

Satan’s hands were balled into fists and he was clinging desperately to his sense of calm. “I see.” He said simply and, after deliberating, decided to turn around and leave. He was getting further from fantasizing about shredding Lucifer to bits, and closer to actually doing it.

“Satan,” Lucifer called him back, and Satan had half a mind to leave anyway, “Try not to frighten them. They seem to have trauma related to fights and raised voices. I’d hate to lose our fragile little human to something as preventable as _your_ lost temper.”

Satan didn’t answer. He just slammed the door shut. Sure enough, said ‘fragile’ human was wandering outside and jumped out of their skin when he slammed the door. His temper almost rose higher, when he remembered humans had terrible hearing. There was no way they heard any of that.

“Door difficult to close?” They offered an excuse.

“Oh, terribly.” He smiled, now resolved to keep this human at his side, just to piss off Lucifer. It would set his teeth on edge, of that Satan was certain. “What are you doing here? Lucifer didn’t call you in, I hope.”

“No, no, just...the house is so big, I was walking around” They paused, “Okay, I think Mammon is in my room, and I’m...he’s…”

“Impossible? A scumbag? The worst kind of-”

“Oh stop that!” They scolded, “Keep calling him names and he’ll continue to be a self-fulfilling prophecy!”

Satan was a little taken aback that this human had just scolded him. He found himself amused instead of angry, in spite of the background inferno of spite he was feeling towards his brother.

“Hmm… I suppose you’re not wrong.” Satan paused, “Do you have siblings, Sakiha?”

“I do, but they’re much older than I am. They’re more akin to a second set of parents. I...had one closer in age but I never speak of her.”

“Oh? Well, then, I’m sure you sympathise easily enough.” Satan gestured for them to walk with him through the house towards his bedroom.

“Actually, it’s the opposite.” They said, “If I had been kinder, more understanding…”

Satan watched ghosts of the past wander in Sakiha’ s warm, amber eyes. They went very quiet, though they did keep walking with him. “Did something happen to her?” 

“She didn’t die, if that’s what you mean. But she…” They blinked, took a deep breath and ran a hand through their hair, “I’d rather not… Anyway, why do you ask about siblings?”

“I thought perhaps you’d understand, if you did.” He explained, “We don’t mean it. Not really. Most of the time… He just gets on our nerves. He’s caused a lot of trouble over the years and he’s hurt each and every one of us on more than one occasion. As the second oldest, there’s little we can do to stop him. We are demons, as well. Don’t forget that. Cruelty is in our very nature.”

“But if you were angels before...and not, like, made demons…?”

“It’s been a very, very long time. We’ve been exposed to Devildom long enough to no longer have anything resembling celestiality.”  
“So it’s an exposure thing?”

Satan paused to think for a moment.

“Or is it something my pathetic monkey brain will never understand?”

He laughed at that as he stopped at his bedroom door, “I’ve seen you in classes, bumblebee. You’re far more intelligent than anyone is giving you credit for. I suspect you’re letting people underestimate you on purpose, and I will admit, the thought leaves me very curious.”

“Curious?”

“People believe it. I’m curious to see what you’ll do.”

“Wait. Hold on, backtrack. Did you just call be bumblebee?”

“I did. Do you take issue with that?”

“No, no..I, um…” The human was blushing furiously, and Satan smiled.

“Would you like to come inside?”

Their face became even redder. “I-I, uhhh…”

He laughed, “Not for salacious purposes, I promise. Unless…” he raised an eyebrow.

To his surprise, the human (though bright red) narrowed their eyes and scowled, “You wish.”

“Oh? Asmo said you were easy to fluster. How...disappointing.” He shook his head, “Well, you seem like the well read sort. I have many books from the human world, you’re welcome to borrow them.”

Satan opened the door to his room and gestured for the human to follow him inside. They stood there, suitably stunned as they gazed at the hundreds of thousands and thousands of books he had painstakingly collected over the years. He swelled with pride as he watched them, in complete awe. Then they squinted. “Is...are those the Harry Potter books?”

“Of course.”

“What house are you in?”

“Slytherin, of course.”

“Hufflepuff. All my good friends are Slytherins, so, you know.”

He smiled. Lucifer would seethe once he discovered that the human had been in his bedroom. The closer he got to them, the more it would piss off Lucifer. Poor little bumblebee had no idea what kind of danger was lurking so near to them. They flitted from shelf to shelf, stack to stack, and Satan hovered nearby, watching. Their interests seemed to be very broad; poetry, fantasy, fiction, children’s literature and YA fiction, classics and classical literature of ancient Greece. They lingered by the myths and legends quite a bit. 

“Careful, that one is cursed.”

The human’s hands shot up in mock surrender. “What?! Why would you have that?!”

He shrugged, “The curse only works if two people touch it, but it’s always better safe than sorry.”

“Still doesn’t answer my question.”

He smiled and placed a hand on their shoulder, “Knowledge is power, Sakiha. I intend to learn absolutely everything I can about this world we live in.”

“You sure you’re not a Ravenclaw…?”

He smiled, “I’m too...ambitious, I suppose.” _I don’t seek knowledge for the sake of it, I intend to use it for my own ends._

Sakiha seemed satisfied with that answer, and went back to perusing his collection. “Why’d you let me in here?”

“You’re our guest here, are you not?” 

“This is your personal space,” They seemed to be looking around for something, “Or study...or…”

“This is my bedroom, yes. It’s no secret that you’re finding it difficult to settle down here. I thought, perhaps, a little bit of your world would help.”

“That’s...suspiciously kind of you.”

Satan smiled, “Hold on to that paranoia, it may keep you alive yet.”

Sakiha shifted uncomfortably and put a copy of _American Gods_ back where they’d found it. “No, really, why?”

“You really want to know?”

“Yes.”  
“To piss Lucifer off.”

The human seemed confused. “I...pardon?”

“Lucifer… He seems to think that you and I shouldn’t interact. You cower in the face of rage and wrath, and I am the embodiment of all you fear.” He stood up straight and approached the human, “He believes that I will snap over the slightest thing, and scare you to the point of sheer madness. Rest assured, that will not happen. But Lucifer _fretting_ over it…” He grinned, “It brings me nothing but joy.”

“ _That_ kind of wrath…” They mumbled.

“Hm?”

“O-oh, I thought you’d be all...shouting and yelling, tearing things apart kind of wrath. But no, no you’re scarier than that.” They gazed out of the window to the gardens below, “You’re like the serpent in still waters. It all seems so very calm. You’ll do as you're told, all smiles and courtesies, for now. But underneath it all you’re…” They seemed to catch themselves. “I-I beg your pardon-”

“No, no… Go on.” Satan hated to admit it, but he was intrigued to see what they’d say next. “Tell me.”

“I think the most frightening manifestation of wrath is the kind you never expect. When you know someone is a raging inferno, it’s easier to deal with. But a calm, intelligent, beautiful young man who’s well spoken and seemingly very helpful? Subversion works for a good reason.”

Satan hated to admit it, but this human’s analysis was turning him on a little bit. “So...let’s do you, shall we?”

“Huh?”

“A small, unassuming young person. Pretty, to be sure. Well spoken as well, but generally quiet. They keep themselves to themselves as much as is possible. They do as they’re told, usually. But oh, my, how they wander off and end up in places they ought not to be. They watch, they listen and they learn. They adapt and learn how to get not only what they need, but what they want as well.”

“Close… You left out the bit where I am unbelievably terrified and all I want is to go home, but I’ve kind of accepted that won’t happen any time soon. So, it’s better to adapt to the situation and learn how to survive instead.”

“This includes making pacts with my brothers, does it?”

“Well, they can’t eat me if I order them not to. By the way, how would you-”  
“Absolutely not.”

“Worth a shot.” Sakiha shrugged.

“So...all of this is a safety precaution, is it? Do you intend to make pacts with every demon in Devildom?”

“No...but I think having the strongest six might serve as a kind of shield against all the rest. Being associated with ye alone has made most demons just avoid me outright.”

“Good luck getting pacts from me, or Lucifer for that matter. Although…”

“It’d piss him off.” Sakiha sang playfully.

“If anyone here is giving orders, it’s me, bumblebee.”

They sniggered, “Kinky.”

“I intended it to be.”

They went bright red again. “Oh.”

Satan laughed, “So you _are_ easy to fluster.”

“Okay, I’m done. Done!” They began making their way out of the room, “Uh...thank you, for letting me in.”

“If you could mention it to Lucifer at some point, I would be most grateful.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read, I hope you had fun!


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